Letter to 18 year old Me.

Dear 18-year-old Heidi,

     I’m writing to you now at the wise old age of 22 and I have some news for you. You would not believe how your life has gone. While there are a few things you might think you know about your future, most everything will be a complete surprise.  The good news is you really have a fantastic life ahead of you and it is very clear that God has a plan for your life. Granted, there are some really hard things, but overall, life will be awesome.  Here are some highlights for you:

1)      You just came back from Ecuador. You don’t know just how much this trip changed your life.

2)      You will fall in love and also face heartbreak. Stay true to your convictions. But realize this, you don’t have a clue about relationships and all the ideas you had about relationships are mostly wrong or understated. You have a lot of learning to do.  Rest assured, it will be ok.

3)      You are not going to be an English major, and you will not be going to Willamette. But your college experience will be a great one and you have a perfect fit both at the schools and with the degree.

4)      You will have one amazing summer after the next.  Traveling all over and meeting amazing people. And…getting your butt kicked in a corn-field.

5)      Many of your friends will leave and go off to college, this will be hard, but you will strengthen other friendships.

6)      Your musical journey will be a lot more than just about music. You will learn more about yourself than you thought possible. And get some incredible mentoring.

7)      You will learn a lot about yourself and have a roller coaster ride with your essential oils business. Treat it like a business and it will become one, treat it like a hobby and that is what it will be.

Some advice:

1)      Take anatomy and physiology. You will need it.

2)      Get solid on your convictions and stick to them.

3)      Don’t let stress and pressure make you too depressed, deal with your emotions.

4)      Be open to new experiences, you will find you actually LIKE living in Portland.

5)      Kick those habits that have been nagging you. The longer you wait, the harder it is to getting rid of them until they become a part of you.

6)      Make friends in college. Be friendly—reach out.

7)      Figure out what you are passionate about and go for it.

8)      The ideal man image you have concocted is a load of crap.

Above all, have confidence in yourself as you grow and mature.  These next 4 years will bring more changes and new experiences than your whole life combined. Give yourself grace.  The journey is the destination when it comes to life.  

Have fun!

Love Me

So today I had a very important lesson. I learned that "mountain biking" has very different meanings.

This is what I thought it meant and what I was looking for:

This is what I found: 

(That is not me, just a random person to show how epic this was)

I am still alive. Miracles happen.

"I want to be free"

“I want to be free”

Just simply to be

My wings to unfold

And nothing to hold

No cage, and no home,

I want the unknown.

The future abyss

The wind’s gentle kiss

With nothing to fear

Not even a tear

For I can go far

With You to unbar

And this will I know,

For all down below:

That all I can do

Is be there with You

And fly and fly and fly

.

Writing

How is is that some of the things we are good at-maybe even the very things that we love, we can not do? Why is it that the very things that bring us the most satisfaction in life are also some of the hardest things to do sometimes?

I am a writer. I love to write, I see it as word-craft. A way to create something using mere words as building blocks to create a picture with substance. This mode of creativity is very fun and satisfying.

So why do I have the hardest time simply writing?

I propose that this block comes from the fact that writing is something that I have a bit of a gift for. Because I know a bit of the craft of word-creation, because I recognize quality, there is a huge fear of mediocrity. To fail at something that I am good at, (or should be) is not an option. Better to not do it than fail.

It is also the recognition of the flaws. I know that writing is journey. Like any skill, there is always improvement. There is always someone better, perfection is a myth.

I choose for 2012 to move past fear and allow myself the freedom to flow with what I love to do.